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December 26 2016

Why does a professional web designer have a broken-ass blog?

It’s broken because I’m a professional web designer. After I get home from a long day of beating HTML and CSS into shape with a rusty hammer, the last thing I want to do is go home and get out the hammer again, no matter how much I enjoy doing it.

But I still want to write occasionally in my spare time, so I’m not going to let my broken-ass blog prevent me from writing, which is what has been happening for the past few years. No matter what I do, I’m never going to feel like this site is finished anyway.

So there! Read it or don’t! And if there’s something that’s so broken that you can’t even use the site, let me know and maybe I’ll fix it.

March 17 2016

11 things Hollywood still hasn’t learned about comics

I’m going to keep this one short, since my last post was over 5,000 words long.

 

1. Stop spending so much time on origin stories.

Telling part of a hero’s origin story is usually necessary, especially if they’re not a well-known character, or if they have a particularly interesting origin. However, most hero origin stories follow the same plot, and as a result we’ve had some very predictable movies. Do we really need to watch yet another comic book movie where a hero gets their powers, goes through a comedic routine where they get used to their powers, and then finally gets the courage to be the hero they’re destined to be?

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March 14 2016

How I lost over 110lbs (short answer: surgery)

This is about to get very autobiographical. Even people who’ve known me for decades will probably learn a lot about me from this.

Many people who’ve seen me lately have probably noticed that I’ve lost some weight. However, due to my frame (I’m built like a linebacker) and some other factors, they may not realize how much weight I’ve lost.

As of this writing (March 13, 2016), I’m down 116lbs from my maximum of 403lbs, “achieved” on May 3, 2015. The last time I weighed 287lbs was when I was 17. The time between then and now saw me gradually gaining weight, followed by extremely rapid loss during the past 5 months due to gastric bypass surgery on Oct. 20, 2015.

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March 8 2016

I found this machine at work that just, like, makes water or something. You push this little lever, and a stream of water comes out of it. I couldn’t find the credit card reader, but it looks like anybody could just come up to it and get water for free if they really wanted to. All they’d have to do is put their mouth up next to the spigot.

Naturally, it was bolted to the wall so nobody could steal it.

March 6 2016

Sometimes I forget my own age. But in my defense, the number changes every year.

February 25 2016

Every era needs its heroes: people who are brave enough to stand up and speak the truth to power. And with that in mind, I’m just going to come right out and say it…pineapple is too tart. COME GET ME, PIGS!

February 14 2016

Review: Deadpool

I feel like I’m the only person who didn’t love this movie. I give it a non-committal “meh”. I don’t regret seeing it, and I’ll probably see the sequel, but it didn’t dazzle me like it did so many other people.

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October 25 2015

Was just listening to that song “One Tin Soldier“. Supposedly, the moral of the story is that peace is the greatest treasure in the world.

Here’s a better one: don’t oversell what you possess when you’ve got a bunch of angry psychos living next door.

August 28 2015

Saw two web sites that tell you how to make your own yogurt and ant poison. (Don’t get them mixed up.)

Isn’t that why stores exist? So you don’t need to make your own yogurt and ant poison?

August 16 2015

Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.

Anything that’s invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.

Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things.

Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.

Anything that's invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.

Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things.
Douglas Adams
The Salmon of Doubt